


no pain so great

by Yellow



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, c/w spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 08:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11157888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow/pseuds/Yellow
Summary: it's the second anniversary of rigor's defeat and mako has a bad idea & a bad day.





	no pain so great

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [To Dance, To Endure](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11086494) by [patster223](https://archiveofourown.org/users/patster223/pseuds/patster223). 



> this fic was 1000% inspired by the cass & mako dance scene in the really fuckin good Cass character study To Dance, To Endure by patster223 which is linked above.
> 
> anyway it's subtle and clever so go read that and then come back here and wallow with me in this very unsubtle sad!mako
> 
> ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
> 
> "There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief." -Aeschylus

A year ago today Aria had called him up and coerced him into agreeing to drinks, something about toasting the fallen. But something beat at the back of Mako's head and he ended up poring over reports instead, letting his phone ring and ring until it finally stopped. This year Aria tried to call but Mako was too busy and ashamed to pick up, so he drank enough to forget the date.

More than enough to have a bad idea.

 

When he opened his eyes he was in the Kingdom Come. Cass sat at the little table in the little kitchen tucked away behind a door with creaky hinges.

Mako started shaking. It smelled like home. The tang of metal and the cheap, disgusting cleaner Orth always bought. Cass was sitting right in front of him, reading a book.

Mako rubbed a hand over his face, and when he looked again Cass was looking back.

“You okay?” Cass asked, and there was that little furrow in their brow Mako always made fun of.

“No,” Mako said, because it wasn't really Cass, and it knew whatever he knew so why lie to it, anyway, and the furrow got deeper and Mako wanted to cry.

“Want to talk about it?” Cass said, slowly, putting the book aside.

“No,” Mako said, and moved closer.

“Okay,” Cass started, and then Mako kissed them.

Cass kissed back, because that's how Mako remembered them: he remembered them at the very beginning, the exasperated sighs, the eye rolls, and at the end. The tense shoulders. The goodbye kiss Mako pretended wasn't a goodbye.

And, fuck, Mako didn't want to think about that. Not today. Not here. If he started imagining how Cass died, here-

Mako threw his leg over the chair and pressed into Cass, grinding down on their lap. Not thinking. Just feeling. Cass's hand on his hip, the cold metal chair digging into his calf. The way Cass's lips felt. He could hear Cass making little noises, and Mako sighed into the kiss. 

And then it wasn't Cass he heard but himself, and he pulled away to see Larry looking back at him.

Larry wrinkled his nose.

“If I'm here, you really must not be able to convince yourself this is real.”

Mako stared. The Kingdom Come fell away around them and they toppled to the floor of a white room.

Larry sighed.

“So the Apostolosian is dead. Huh. I kinda liked them,” Larry said.

Mako clenched his fists in Larry's shirt. Larry grinned up at him.

“But I'm here now. Maybe what this really means is that you like me better.”

Something curdled in Mako's gut. He missed Cass, he even missed Larry, he missed all the clones and Aria and Orth and there was a humming at the back of his head already; he knew this was a bad idea but _fuck_ it was all so unfair and _fuck_ Larry was a dick, and Mako started to cry.

Larry looked horrified.

"Don't-it was just a goof,” he said. “Like the old days.”

Mako was straddling Larry, his head bowed to Larry's chest. He couldn't breathe. He sobbed into Larry's shirt, almost a replica of his own.

“Wait-just,” Larry said, and then Mako was crying into an Apostolosian uniform.

He hit Larry twice in the chest with his fist, but Cass's arms came up around him and then Cass was shushing him, and Mako couldn't resist: he flattened himself against Cass, pressing his cheek uncomfortably into the buttons on their jacket.

Cass's fingers threaded through his hair.

“Cass,” he said, gasping. “Fuck, I miss you. Fuck."

Cass just shushed him again. Mako couldn't tell how long he cried, but eventually he was silent and still, head resting on Cass's chest. Listening to their heart beat, just a little faster than a human's.

It was almost cruel, how much he remembered.

Cass's fingers ran through his hair. Mako laid there, limp.

“Are you feeling better?” Cass asked, but underneath their voice Mako heard an echo of his own, the hum of Rigor.

Mako ignored it.

“Yeah,” he said, and thought of nothing at all.

**Author's Note:**

> more cass/mako is coming after i finish my c/w relisten please hold on my friends


End file.
